My Baby Is Deformed, So I Killed It.

crescent moon and cloud wind chimes

I kept having nightmares about my unborn child. I just knew something wasn’t right with him, but the doctors reassured me through each ultra sound.

The day came where my water finally broke, and I can tell you this, I wasn’t excited. The only thing I could think about was the deformed baby that was going to come out of my body. The doctors, my family, and my husband kept telling me that I had nothing to fear. This was an easy labor, things were going well.

My baby has finally been born, and my worst fear has come true.

I keep thinking to myself; how can you hand me my baby when it looks like that? This little creature squirms and shrieks as I try to hold it in my arms. There is clearly something wrong with it.

Why isn’t anyone freaking out? Why isn’t anyone batting an eye at the creature that lays in my arms? They tell me it’s time to nurse the baby. I let my nipple out, and the baby forcefully starts sucking with thick lips. Everyone is smiling at me with wide eyes. You won’t see me smiling, though. I’m disgusted.

The nurse asks my husband and I what we have decided to name the baby. A name?! Are you kidding me? This thing doesn’t need a name; it needs to die. It’s a leech. A parasite. A disgusting deformed baby.

My husband wants something unique. We settle on Trillion. I gag as I sign the birth certificate. A unique name? This baby is already unique enough…

I want out of this situation. I want so desperately to go back to the day that I told my husband I’d be willing to give birth to this thing. Why had this happened? Why had I gotten pregnant so easily? This is my responsibility now. The weight of the situation is starting to crush me.

My body will never look the same. I have given up vanity for a creature; a new creature that never should have been born.

I want it gone.

I’m told it is time to get ready to leave the hospital. Already? I feel like we have just got here. I don’t want to go home with this thing. Can’t I just leave it at the hospital? I know that nobody will adopt the thing, and if anyone in the public sees it, they will surely be afraid.

I should have never committed to this.

I bring it up to my husband after a few days, but he looks at me like I’m crazy. He tells me, “This is our baby! How could you say such demonic things?” He told me I would eventually grow a bond with the thing. I trusted him. I gave it a shot.

The more the baby grew, the more disgusted I became. Why am I even entertaining these thoughts?! This is sick. What I am doing is sick.

I expressed my thoughts to the doctors, but they kept telling me that Trillion was perfect and growing well. They said he had reached milestones they never thought possible. They said I should be happy with the outcome.

This child will never grow up to live a normal life. I know my husband thinks it will but come on just look at it!

Trillion was three months old when I put a pillow over his face.

I woke up in the middle of the night while my husband was sleeping. It was quick and painless for Trillion. I know I may come off as heartless, but I at least have the decency to put something out of its misery in the most humane way possible.

The baby flapped like a butterfly against the cushioned pillow. I held down tight as the little beats to the pillow vibrated against my palms.

Three minutes later, I was sure that Trillion had passed. I don’t know if he had a soul or not, after all, he wasn’t completely human. I prayed for him anyway.

I’m doing you a favor Trillion. You shouldn’t have to grow up as an experiment. Primate/homo sapien conception should have never been something that we considered as an option for our infertility. My husband was able to see past the primate-like features, but I see you for what you are. You shouldn’t have been born, and I am so sorry for the torture we have put you through.

This all started because I was born without any eggs.

Biologically this thing was created through a male human (my husband) and female primate. They placed the zygote in me after fertilizing it in hopes of it taking. In my case, it did.

Perhaps that is why my husband was able to grow attached to the thing. I mean, it was biologically his child.

Do you know how expensive IVF is? A lot of couples can’t afford that type of payment for a procedure that isn’t guaranteed to work.

The primate/homo sapiens experiment is free if you agree to the terms (lifelong experimentation and lab visits for the thing). This is precisely why people are starting to opt for this alternative. It’s not easy to be put on the list, though. You must first be referred by someone who has already gone through the process. Second, you must sign a multitude of confidentiality agreements. Finally, you have to prove you have a stable home environment fitted for its needs. What I mean by that is this; since this is such a new procedure, they’re not able to predict how the being will function after birth.

Please. If you are struggling with infertility, do not give this even a second thought. It is a very hushed procedure currently, so if you are offered the opportunity, you won’t be able to find much information on it.

I know it sounds promising for those of you who might be struggling to get pregnant, but listen to what I’m telling you. You won’t want that thing once it is born, and I pray every day that this doesn’t make it to the main stream.

I’m sure that they will eventually figure out that I have told the masses about this. I doubt there will be any serious repercussions since I’m not posting photo evidence. I’m sure they will think that most of you will think this is a scary story and not give it a second thought, but you have to believe me…This is happening. This is real. It needs to be stopped.

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